The expectation of starting a blog, would be to write an introductory post, explaining who I am, what this blog is about and what my expectations are for beginning. However, starting this blog has been on my mind for a while, and with that comes the fact that I just want to write about the topics that have struck me as needing to be chewed out through writing.
The title of this post reflects where I feel that I currently am in my life. From the final months of 2022, until the final months of 2025, I feel as though I existed in survival mode. Three years of scraping through – mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually. It was ugly. It was difficult. It damn near broke me. Prior to this time, I don’t think I understood that life could throw so many obstacles at you, all at the same time, and expect you to remain standing. I was so used to dealing with one difficult facet at a time – things may get thrown in quick succession, but never all at the same time. And not only were there multiple stressors, but they were BIG and they couldn’t be resolved with the coping strategies that I already had in my arsenal. They required me to learn, to dig deeper than I had ever dug before and essentially to mature emotionally – in ways that, had I had to think about it too deeply, I would have run the other way. These big things included a high-risk pregnancy, the complete dissolution of my relationship with my mum, enforced homelessness, being brokety-broke-broke, the familial fallout of my dissolved relationship with my mum, my marriage being under the greatest pressure you could possible imagine that very nearly ended in dissolution, to name just a handful of the situations that arose in those three years. Becoming a parent in and of itself can be seen as a huge challenge, and I didn’t even include that as a big thing.
Whilst I went through these situations, there were days where I could not see the end in sight. I tried to trust that there was light at the end of the tunnel, but the truth was, that the tunnel was long, and I was in darkness for a very long time. I distinctly remember moments where my mind searched for answers – feeling clouded, lost and so alone. I am so grateful to have moved from that space. When I look back at that time, what I also remember is that there existed the tiniest ember of hope. It sounds nonsensical, but there was something that tried to hold on to the notion that things could, and would get better. To my eyes there was nothing tangible manifesting before me, that would suggest it was getting better. But in this reflection, I recognise that I had faith. And I don’t necessarily mean it in the religious sense – I mean it in how the word is defined. There was a compete confidence that at some point in my life, I didn’t know how or when, but at some point, things would turn around. I listened to positive affirmations (big up Aileen Xu of the Lavendaire Lifestyle), and I listened to books and podcasts like Manifest by Roxie Nafousi, and episodes of Mel Robbins podcast. And whilst at times, these names and actions can feel like desperate clawing at absolutely nothing, surviving survival mode requires some degree of faith. Without that faith, I don’t think I would be here writing this blog post.
The faith I now recognise that I had, made me ask open-ended questions, which left room for answers. It made me take actions that without the sharp sting of hardship pricking me, I may not have taken. I achieved a Masters with Distinction in my season of survival. I helped raise a beautiful baby boy. I lost pregnancy weight, I loc’ed my hair, I reevaluated my priorities, I gained employment. I did so many things in survival mode, both big and small, that potentially, I could have only achieved in that season. This is definitely not a blog of religion, yet one story that helped me through was the story of Joseph, in which his wisdom during the 7 years of plenty helped Egypt survive the 7 years of famine. I realised that I hadn’t recognised my 7 years of plenty but survival season was definitely the 7 years of famine. The story has provided me with a foundation of wisdom to move forward, now that I am exiting survival mode.
It is key to know and a reminder to myself that just because physical circumstances shift out of survival, there is still mental, emotional and spiritual shifts that are required to happen. I secured employment in the second quarter of 2025, but actually started working in the final quarter. I anticipated the instant shift out of survival mode, but as they say, the body keeps the score. I felt like I still had so many hurdles (albeit much smaller hurdles) to get through, that my body just couldn’t and wouldn’t relax. I felt like two distinct entities – one who could see that reprieve was in fact here, and the other who couldn’t let go of the resilience that was needed to fight through the last three years. It took getting over those hurdles, plus one massive life event to get my body to actually just let go. Unfortunately, 2026 started with me experiencing a miscarriage. Whilst a miscarriage is a life-altering moment of loss, it also oddly felt like the last remnant of my body’s clutches at survival ebbing away. When I discovered I was pregnant, my instant response was to ‘go, go, go’ – get water, get to doctors, eat healthy, go to the gym everyday. I reverted to that cycle of doing to get by and my body stiffened with the responsibility of growing new life. With the loss, and the subsequent grief, I also felt my body enter a state of ease and relaxation that I haven’t felt in such a long time. My mind feels easier, and I finally feel like I’m learning to be a place of ease for myself because circumstances are no longer keeping me in a state of fighting to get through. The exit from survival mode is very, very welcome, and I am excited to embrace what a state of thriving will bring into my life. But I will also enter that phase with ease, acceptance and learning.
So consider this a welcome to the blog, stick around, join the ride…it’s a safe space!
The Life Lived Here 
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